if you are reading this, i am grooming you. close the computer immediately and call your parents.

August 1, 2022

it's come to my attention that recently, many internet users do not know how to remain safe on the internet! early in my life there were many things that were common knowledge that have seem to be forgotten

hat's internet safety tips!

1. never reveal your real name online!

fran hat is my real name but i'm very internet experienced so please do not follow my lead!

social media normalized sharing this but that doesn't mean you should do it.

2. never post your face on the internet!

i am also guilty of this. don't look at my about page.

3. don't tell anyone where you live

posting pictures of your surroundings can reveal a lot about your location, even if you aren't in the photo

even more foolish is to tell them when you're leaving on vacation. say goodbye to your nintendo switch, sucker!

4. don't believe anything you read on the internet

not even this!

5. if it's too good to be true, it's too good to be true.

i've met a nigerian prince and he was not real.

6. turn off the computer and go outside

this limitless information bombarding you constantly is destroying your mind

Advanced tips for awesome internetters

are you ready to take safety to the next level?

if someone is typing more than 1 word responses to you with no "omg randum" messages, they are not 13

lets face it: 13 year old are the most uninteresting people to talk to and cant carry a conversation. if the person you're speaking has more to say to you than "LMAO POTATO" they are lying about their age.

use a different username between all sites

yes i did just google your username and found your location and your real name.

if for some god forsaken reason you decide to meet up with your internet friend, bring a responsible adult with you to a public location

unless you want to be kidnapped, of course.

that cool adult guy you met online isn't attractive to anyone his own age

if he was, he wouldn't be talking to a kid.

don't use "pizza" as the answer to your password reset question

it's always pizza. y'all need to try some different foods.

don't post suicide or death threats online

jesus h christ.

no one needs to know your gender

you dont owe anyone anything and you don't need to be polite

if you are under 18 and someone starts messaging you about anything sexual, block them. if they creep you out, block them.

just because it seems like everyone likes this person, doesnt mean anyone even knows them

"i didnt want to say anything because everyone was friends with them" is something I hear way too often. half the time its a dude who everyone knows of but no one knows

now you may be asking yourself: "what could fran hat possibly know about the old web? fran hat, you are 17. you were not even alive for 9/11." the answer is quite simple.

time travel

last week i broke my favorite salt shaker. it was truly awful. i had dropped my little chickie out of the cupboard and he was covered in hairline cracks all over. i know he is just a little guy from the dollar tree, but I was really sad because I love him! here's a photo of the pair. you can see the crack through the belly of the one on the right.

today ryan had me open up a package that came in the mail. i unwrapped like 5 layers of bubble wrap to find.. a new pair of lil chickens ;_____________;

ryan is too sweet. i'm so afraid i'll break these little guys though. ill do my best to be brave enough to use them and also be careful enough to keep them safe.

my final message of the day is to please quit trying to cancel people. next to social media, this is one of the worst things to have come out of the internet in the past 12 years. it's miserable. it's stupid. it's a waste of energy. you are not entitled to the internet more than anyone else. there must be something more interesting in your life to do.